everything i do is judged and they mostly get it wrong but oh well

i need to start yoga again.  i haven't been to the studio or done it on my own since august.

the peace has left me.

the doubt has crept in.

and i find myself thinking i am not a very likable person.  maybe i'm one of those people that can only be tolerated in small doses.  i just want to know.  i just want to ask somebody, "is it because i'm an asshole? is that why you didn't invite me? is that why you don't call me?  is that why you never answer my messages?"

maybe i just need to come to terms with it.

i need the peace back...

happy painting, and god bless.

when it comes time for meditation in yoga, when the yogi or yogini guides us to clear our minds, i am in a bob ross painting.

on monday, upon leaving eric's grandmother's house, i noticed she puts her hands together and bows ever so slightly when saying goodbye, a silent namaste.

the story is that his grandmother started practicing yoga in the 60's, when a studio opened next to the family business.  she did it for decades.  it isn't just the whiskey and wine that's kept her sharp into her 80's.

the common cold.

i got sick, and therefore, i stopped doing yoga and my 'couch-to-5k' workout.

i feel like i've derailed.

once i am feeling like simply laughing won't send me into a coughing fit, this needs to change.

i said i would be a healthy lizzy, and i intend to follow through.

created my own yoga blog

i've created a separate blog for my yoga ramblings.  i've long been wondering about splitting my blogiverse up because i talk about so many different things.  perhaps a blog for each topic would be a better option?

anyway.

for the past month i've been doing bikram yoga, or hot yoga.  michelle got me to go to younique yoga with her one night, and i was addicted.  its hot, hovering around 95 degrees, with high humidity, and you're doing physical activity for an hour and 15 minutes.  sounds like hell, no?

but its not...

its beautiful and cleansing and forces you to push yourself to levels you never thought possible.

i've done inversions and head/handstands i never thought i could do.  its all in muscular control.  i don't have to be a yogi to hold myself in the air balancing my knees on my elbows.  i can do that right now.  i just have to believe that i can do it.

its spiritual and emotional, too.  its not just working out for the body, its the mind and soul working with the body.  it truly brings peace.

i just want to keep going until i can do more.  more poses, more advanced, for more time.